I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
