Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
