I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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