i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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