its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
