The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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