The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
