She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
