if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
