I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
