I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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