Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
