im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My day in three words: secret purse cake
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
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