Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
