Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
