my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
