It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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