Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
