i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
