Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
