8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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