Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize