I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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