He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
