did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
