Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
