just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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