moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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