he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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