just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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