My friends, they love my intelligence
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
