Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
