He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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