the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
