Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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