Come see our sink grown plant.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
