I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
