WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
