Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
