i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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