I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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