Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize