Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
