my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
