Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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