i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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