In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
