Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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