I hate all girls vehemently.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
