My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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