I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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