I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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