The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
