I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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