just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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