She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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