I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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