I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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