I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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