The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize