I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
