there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
