Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
