I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
