What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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