I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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