haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
