Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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