Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
