The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
