i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
