Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
