I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
