R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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