We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
