Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
