i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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