I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
