Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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