That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
