This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize