im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
