It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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