It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
