I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Someone came in the potted fern
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize