I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
