At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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