I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
