I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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