whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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