nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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