i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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