I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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