I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize