There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
