Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I didn't notice because vodka
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
