I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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