maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
