Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
